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Nov 20, 2019
Why do my children talk back to me so often? I never talked back to my parents?
05/07/2016 6:55 pm UTC | By: Akila Kumar

That is not true – you did get very angry with your parents, but were not permitted to express it and bottled up frustration is not necessarily a good thing. Expressing frustration in itself is not intrinsically bad, as long as they can be taught to keep it civil.

Talking back happens due to three reasons:

  1. The cool factor: They have seen their friends or their favorite characters on TV behaving in a certain way. They are just imitating and think they are being cool.
  2. Displaced frustration: They may be getting bullied at school or just having a bad day and parents make easy targets.
  3. Testing boundaries: They are seeing how far they can go with the things they say.

Parenting is never easy, and this is important. Don’t lose your temper and yell at them. It teaches them that you can be provoked rather easily. Count to 10 and calmly tell them that speaking the way they are doing is unacceptable. If they are doing that in front of others remove them and tell them that you will talk to them later. When things are calm, sit down with them and ask them why they talked back to you. Understand the back story. If they have issues, teach them to deal with it.

Explain to them that they are hurting your feelings when they speak disrespectfully to you. Tell them that you will love them no matter what they do, but your behavior towards them is determined by the way they treat you.

Author: Akila Kumar and Anoo Nathan

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